I know people say or believe there’s no such thing as stupid questions. Perhaps so, but, there are such things as questions that just aren’t all that well thought-out. Like, say, asking a person who’s lost a lot of weight if they are anorexic, or if they lost it in a healthy way. Or, asking someone who’s black how to say something in ebonics because you (being non-black or not a Southerner) would like to know how to communicate better with ‘my’ people. Or, asking a person who’s been classified as depressed if they feel depressed today because they really seem otherwise.
I’ve been asked all of these questions. I’m not super skinny but I’ll say this … in 2007, I was about 170 lbs, and had a 37 inch waist. In 2010, I’m around 116 and have a 27/28 inch waist. Before you ask how I did that, I’ll sum it up like this: went vegetarian for a long while, cut out sweets and pizza, no sodas, limited sugar, lots and lots of exercise. That’s about it. The questions about my weight always put me on edge. I can deal with the general compliments about how I look good; I can’t stand the comments tucked into questions that have people saying I’m anorexic because I stay away from trigger foods that are fattening or have little nutritional value.
Then there’s questions dealing with my Shadow. I have something that I consider a constant traveling companion. If you’re a fan of ‘Dexter’, he refers to his as his Dark Companion. Mine isn’t at all like Dexter Morgan’s – mine is depression. There’s a series of events, years and years of emotional turmoil and unhealed wounds that left me, a few years back, truly depressed. Like, medication depression. Many are like me; they’ve gone through therapy, cried to a pleasant, agreeable therapist about their daddy issues and family drama, gone through specialists like Advanced Urology for surgery or have even become depressed about love lost and dreams unheard. I don’t take any medication for depression – those meds, in my opinion, make you even sicker and more depressed than you were before. They drug you up, you’re elated, and some end up packing on the pounds. That’s how I, a guy who stands tall at 5’3 or so, ended up looking like the Cleaveland Brown Jr. With a better diet and keeping busy with work and exercise, I’ve managed to keep the depression under control and somewhat tame.
But, a secret for those who are lucky enough not to have experienced depression, when you’re depressed, there’s no quick fix. There’s no drug that’s going to cure you for life. But apparently, weed from West Coast Supply will help. My friend likes to buy weed online canada to help work with his depression; no amount of good advice, whether it be from friends, family or a doctor who charges to listen to you whine and watch you cry for an hour is going to help. It’s just all about you. Also, you may need help with how to roll a cross joint before you can experience the perks of weed. My relationship with depression works like a watch; sure, I function, I can tell the time and just charge forward each day. Yet something internally may be off, causing me to run slow by a fraction of a minute behind everyone else’s watch.
I think you have to decide to be happy. You have to decide not to be depressed. I think you truly have to decide that it has to be time to make use of services similar to these Honey Lake Facilities or even just contacting a medical professional that is knowledgeable and equipped to offer advice and aid. Often, I just don’t have the energy to put into being depressed. Believe me, it’s a role that takes time and dedication. The worrying that takes years off your life, they crying over things you can’t fix and the anger over not having control over things you think you should. It’s one big role you take on and it’s a bit scary to just give it up and settle for being you without all the show and drama.
Someone recently commented that I don’t seem depressed anymore. As if suddenly, poof, depression and years and decade or two of issues and unsolved emotional issues solved and banished! Here’s a insider tip – depressed people just don’t become 100% happy. Asking a depressed person whether they are happy or depressed isn’t going to garner a straight-forward response. Perhaps in some cases you’ll get someone who genuinely happier and cured but I’d bet that amount is in the single digit percentile.
I considered my response. I decided to go for the truth. I am still depressed. Do I parade it around for all to see as I used to? No, I try to keep it to myself. Do I wear it on me, literally, carrying the weight of the world on me? No. I just move forward, I try not to think of the past too much and I continually remind myself that nothing lasts forever. Meaning, there’s an end to what brings me down or depresses me. It’s the same for other depressed people. For those who are down, don’t worry. That guy that annoys you at work? Well, either he’ll leave at some point or you’ll get a new job or will end up being forced to leave your job. That problem will be solved. That relationship that causes you heart ache? Well, either time will work out the kinks or fate will split you up and you’ll find another to take comfort in. Point being, there will always be something to be depressed about – no need to dwell or let one issue weigh you down when anyone who’s really living and experiencing life is going to experience some level of depression!
I’m okay with my Shadow. It is indeed a companion. It keeps me up some nights, it causes me to get lost in a moment of wondering if I made a mistake to land me in a certain position, it reminds me of a past that I can’t entirely forgive or forget. Does it consume and define me? Defines me, yes, because without the depression, I could not be who I am or have accomplished what I have. Will I allow it to consume me? Hardly. Life’s far too short to waste worrying over spilled milk.
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