jack mackenroth interview

Glee: Quotes from “Brittany/Britney”

| September 28, 2010 | 4 Replies

Heather Morris as 'Brittany' on GleeIt’s the second episode of the second season of ‘Glee’ and we’re treated to the show’s 2nd tribute episode of the series, dedicated to the one and only Miss Britney Spears! What’d you think of the performances? I think Heather Morris killed it – at times she really upstages the original Britney.The “Me Against the Music” performance was good but Heather Morris’ dancing and Britney-retrospect in “I’m A Slave 4 U” was truly awesome. And how cool was it that Britney Spears herself actually took the time out of her oh-so busy schedule to shoot a couple scenes? That within itself felt like a major accomplishment considering we hardly get to see Britney out and working these days.

Musically though, I was a bit underwhelmed by the song choices. Like in “The Power of Madonna” they seemed to choose the very basic and expected tracks from Britney’s career. Why not go for the lesser known, less overexposed and overplayed songs from her catalog like say “Someday (I Will Understand)” as the ballad instead of the awkwardly placed Paramore track “The Only Exception”? Or “Break the Ice”, “Radar”, “Don’t Go Knocking On My Door”, “The Hook Up” …? I’d like to see ‘Glee’ take on some lesser known tracks from these big artists in groups rather than playing the Top 40 hits. Anyways, off my soapbox. Here are some of the memorable quotes from the episode:

Will: “Who can tell me who Christopher Cross is [wrote the song "Sailing"]?”
Brittany: “He discovered America!”

Brittany: “I don’t want to do Britney.”
Kurt: “Why no Britney, Brittany?”
Brittany: “Because my name is also Brittany “S-Pierce”. My middle name is Susan, last name is Pierce – that makes me Brittany S. Pierce. I’ve lived my whole life in Britney Spears’ shadow. I will never be as talented or as famous. I hope you all respect that I want glee club to remain a place where I, Brittany S. Pierce, can escape the torment of Britney Spears.”

“You’re calling me uptight? The woman who buys hand sanitizer by the barrel?” — Will to Emma

“Can I just say you’re the hottest dentist I’ve ever seen? No, seriously, you could drill me …” — Santana to Carl

“I don’t brush my teeth. I rinse my mouth out with soda after I eat. I was pretty sure Dr. Pepper was a dentist.” — Brittany

“This room looks like the one one that spaceship where I got probed.” — Brittany

Carl: “I’m gonna put you under a little general anesthesia. You won’t feel a thing.”
Brittany: “Like roofies?”
Carl: “Yea, totally.”

Brittany: “Can I have a blue toothbrush?”
Carl: “I’ll give you a hundred toothbrushes.”
Brittany: “Are you a cat?”

“Hey dork, did anyone ever tell you that you dress like one of the bait girls on ‘To Catch a Predator’?” — Santana to Rachel

“I would just like to say that from now on I demand to have every solo in glee club. When I had my teeth cleaned I had the most amazing Britney Spears fantasy. I sang and dance better than her. Now I realize what a powerful woman that I am.” — Brittany

“I’m more talented than all of you. I see that clearly now. It’s Brittany. Bitch.” — Brittany

“I look forward to the day when the paparazzi provokes me and I attack them.” — Rachel

“Is this real life?” — Rachel after coming out from under anesthesia

“Ooh, baby, you can hit me as many times as you want as long as you got that on!” — Black football player to Rachel

Finn: “You see what I’m talking about? They’re personifying you!”
Rachel: “Objectifying.”

“Oh, hey home-wrecker!” — Terri to Emma

“Well, congratulations. Normally you dress like a fantasy of a perverted Japanese business man with a very dark specific fetish but I actually dig this look. Yay.” — Santana to Rachel

“William, I realize you’re still mourning the loss of that bony, redheaded hominid you’re in love with …. You’re flailing, William. Now, I’m secretly hoping it’s a midlife crisis which means you’re halfway to an early death affording me a blissful, demented convalescent sweat being on your grave.” — Sue Sylvester

“Don’t let your own recklessness blind you to the fact that Britney Spears is a genius pop culture provocateur and a gateway drug to every out of control impulse ever created.” — Sue Sylvester to Will

“It’s like an ink blot test that butt sweat stain. Stare into it William and you’ll see the light of all that is good leave this world.” — Sue Sylvester

“It’s a Britney Spears sex riot!” — Sue Sylvester

“You know William, that’s what one Hubert Humphrey said back in 1968 at the start of the Democratic National Convention. But then hippies put acid in everyone’s bourbon and when an updraft revealed Lady Bird Johnson’s tram stamp and tattoos above her ovaries. Mayor Richard J. Daley became so incensed with sexual rage that he punched his own wife in the face and spent the next hour screaming “Sex party!” into the microphone of all three major networks.” — Sue Sylvester

“You can expect a call soon from my lawyer Gloria Allred. I’m gonna sue the pants off you, Will. I’m going to take your house, your car, your extensive collection of vests. I mean seriously, you wear more vests than the cast of ‘Blossom’!” — Sue Sylvester

“You ever notice that Britney Spears only makes great music when she’s not chasing down paparazzi? She can’t swallow a grenade and let her talent explode all over the world. She’s got to rein it in just like you do.” — Emma to Will

“Finn can fly? Wait, I thought I was the only one doing solos from now on. Next week I will be performing a musical number by Ke$ha.” — Brittany

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  1. Sam says:

    Oh Santana killed me with her comment on the perverted business man. The actress who plays her delivers her line perfectly in my opinion.

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